Paging Playboy (Or More Specifically, Jimmy Jellinek)
Posted by aranya | Filed under Uncategorized
So, I’ve been sitting here ruminating over all the reasons why I think Playboy should hire me the MOMENT its editorial offices relocate to Chicago, and I thought, “Why keep this tantalizing and persuasive information to myself when I can post it on my website and use it for my own self-interested purposes?” So prepare yourself. I’m about to blow my own horn and share my personal opinions on why I think I’m rad, right here in the public sphere (hmmm… something about that statement sounds mildly inappropriate). I hope you can hear me Jimmy Jellinek because I’m talking to you! And when I say talking, I mean shamelessly begging.
1. I am a true fan of the magazine and even had a subscription for many years. Needless to say, all of my male friends really enjoyed the bathroom reading in my apartment.
2.David Standish (my second favorite teacher EVER — beat out only narrowly by my sixth grade instructor, the incomparable Rick Wormeli) worked as an editor at Playboy for 10 years and was a regular contributor after he left. David was my magazine writing teacher last summer, and the editorial adviser to the fall 2008 magazine publishing project at Medill. Since I was editor in chief of that project, David had to put up with me quite a bit… and yet he still agreed to be one of my references =) Needless to say, I heard a lot of great stories about the good old days, working in the Chicago Playboy offices and hanging out with crazy cats like Hunter S. Thompson. I’ve said all along that I want to be David Standish when I grow up, so if Playboy would just hire me already, then I could hurry up and get on with my life goal.
3. I watch The Girls Next Door regularly. Yup. I said it. I’m not ashamed. What can I say? It’s junk food for the mind & Hugh Hefner is a total pimp. Judge me if you want.
4. I think Penthouse sucks ass.
5. I have a twisted sense of humor and almost nothing offends me.
6. I wrote a quarterly earnings story on Playboy Enterprises for my business reporting class, and I got… drum roll please… an A. That’s right, I can rap about well-endowed naked chicks AND converse intelligently with shareholders about the ups and downs of Playboy stock.
7. I believe that for any publication to succeed in today’s ADD, instant gratification environment, it is absolutely crucial that a cohesive and innovative relationship exist between print and online. It’s all about multiple platforms these days baby, and I’m excited that Playboy recognized this, and is now heading in the right direction. I would stab at least six or seven people to be a part of this evolutionary process. Kidding, kidding… I’d only stab one or two people — maybe three.
8. I’m a guy’s girl through and through.
9. I stole my dad’s Playboy Jokes book when I was a kid and I used to pour over it when no one was looking. Coincidentally, David Standish started out as the Jokes Editor at the magazine. Okay, okay, so one really has nothing to do with the other at all. I just wanted to mention that David spent two years reading thousands of joke submissions (note to Jimmy: I’ll do that too if that’s what it takes).
10. I’m smart, an incredibly hard worker and a damn good writer. (Sorry… I’m not usually this arrogant, but I’m trying to get my dream job here people, so you’re going to have to cut me some slack).
I’m hoping this list will act as my Jedi Mind Trick in written-word form. “You were just about to hire me as an editor Jimmy Jellinek. You were just realizing how amazingly perfect I am for Playboy, especially now that it has decided to consolidate its print and online operations and I spent the last year learning all about multimedia magazine journalism. You were just about to contact me and offer me a job in the new Chicago offices.” Call me Jimmy… seriously… I won’t let you down.
February 4th, 2009 at 4:45 pm
omg, I feel so much better that another female I know watches Girls Next Door. I hate it, yet every time I’m flipping through channels and find it, I just can’t seem to turn it off. Those bimbos draw you in and you just can’t escape.
Total garbage, but I love it.
February 4th, 2009 at 7:30 pm
As far as I’m concerned…shameless self-plugging is highly underrated and should at least get you through the interview door if NOTHING else!
You rock!!
February 5th, 2009 at 1:40 pm
Hahaha! Hilarious! You sound like Town … maybe Jimmy Jellinek will e-mail you the way Evan Smith e-mailed him?
Good luck with your dreams!
February 5th, 2009 at 3:57 pm
If you get an interview. I will go out and buy 100 copies of playboy and hand it out to my friends. Now that is grassroots! Give the girl an interview, she is so inspiring!
February 5th, 2009 at 8:52 pm
i will gladly accept a free copy of playboy from you ken! not to mention play a playboy party to open the new chicago location.
February 10th, 2009 at 4:13 pm
We LOVE watching The Girls Next Door. That would be ROCKIN’ if you got a job there. Sending good luck vibes your way!
April 25th, 2009 at 9:17 pm
So, I’m on par with David Standish, eh? I’ll take that. He sounds like a great teacher.
Hey Aranya! It’s good to see you took that exceptional wit and insight and made major contributions to the world — especially through writing! I’m sure you learned all of it through Dave and with me at Freedom Hill Elementary School in Vienna, VA in sixth grade. ‘Hope the Windy City is treating you well, and congratulations on the wonderful pieces you’ve done. I’ve read a few, and Playboy is nuts not hire you. Let me know if I have to write a letter of recommendation for you — I still have the gradebook for your class around here somewhere…
— Rick Wormeli, still in northern Virginia (rwormeli@cox.net)